Monday, April 1, 2013

BREAKING NEWS: SHANE MICKEY FOR GOVERNOR


Shane Mickey has made historic announcement this morning: He is taking a break from his rigorous schedule of climbing in an out of electric kilns, harassing the ladies of Mitchell County, and napping in his office to run for Governor of the State of North Carolina .

 "Hell's fire, if Arnold can do it so can I" said Mickey

" I have thought about this for a long time and feel that I haven't been actualizing, or for that matter, sharing my tremendous god given talents adequately with the citizens of this great state. That has been a mistake on my part which I need to rectify immediately" said the visibly aging Mickey.

"So I will announce my candidacy for Governor and try to spend less time with my family. They are sick of me anyway. " lamented a seemingly tearful Mickey.

"Sitting at the Pizza Shop in rural Mitchell County, on very small bar stool, for over 4,000 hours has not only given me a severe case of hemorrhoids but also the needed time to construct my campaign. I have decided on a slogan",  said the jubilant Mickey, "What do you think?"

 "Pots for One and Pots for All"!

He has already picked out his theme song: "Oh Mickey you're so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, Oh Shane Mickey".

" I think it is a great song, I sing it to myself every day and it gives me the strength I need to get out in the world and change things, like elements, tires, my underwear, etc." said Mickey "You know what I mean!"

" I also have a beverage sponsor " Mickey's Big Mouth" which pretty much states my position on a range of issues".

Shane will need lots of money to mount his failed historic campaign  so send checks of under $1,000 to his Paypal account, Shaneneedsyourlove@gamil.com

  "We want to keep this a grass roots campaign for the little people" says Mickey.  I refuse to sell out to special interest but I can be rented!"

Captain Cone Pack for Governor!
(Dennis Allen strategist)

10 comments:

Ron said...

He's got my vote!! Of course he's wearing one of my tees and that really helps.

Paul Jessop said...

Brilliant You Have My Vote. or would you like to buy 100 votes I'm Cheap!

John Britt said...

I thought he was saying, "I'm all this bitch."

Dennis Allen said...

As a political strategist with no track record to hold me back, I recommend he don the cape and run as Captain Conepack! North Carolina could (and has) do worse.

Dennis Allen said...

Slogan, Want your lawmakers to do better ? Slip Them a Mickey!

John Britt said...

I am using it! Captain Cone Pack!

shane mickey said...

I am honored an humbled that the public response to this is overwhelmingly "eh"
I promise to execute the offices of Governor to the least of my abilities. Also, I will bring the state to its knees by putting in the budget 4 billion dollars a year spent on pottery only. This will spur economic growth in the only sector of the economy I care about. Please send in those checks bitches!

Muddys said...

Let me know if you need a Downtown Asheville Campaign Headquarters. The Updraft Fine Art Gallery has a pottery wheel and only represents politically active local potters.

Patrick Houston said...

I can think of no better man to lead the Great State of North Carolina. I assume this would mean the immediate repeal of drunk driving laws as well as the tax on spirits.

My vote can be bought for the standard cost of one half pint of liquor.

Amy Waller said...

So sorry I missed this earlier - this is the best North Carolina political news I've seen in a while. (Though considering all the $#@* the North Carolina General Assembly has been up to, I realize that's not exactly a compliment.) Go, Shane!