Single White Female

A friend of mine asked me to post this for her.

She is a SWF in search of SM for a mutually beneficial relationship.

Here are a list of her minimum requirements:

• Male
• No living relatives
• Tall—over 6’2” [height requirement will decrease by 1” every two years]
• Well read but prefers small words
• Humanitarian
• Well-respected by all
• Ethical unless driven to be otherwise & can speak of it poetically
• Heroic
• Loyal
• Intelligent
• An accent would be nice; no New Yorkers. Brogue is desirable.
• Sophisticated sense of humor particularly where oneself is concerned
• Saves lives of people & animals when the opportunity presents itself
• Does not eat things that I would not want to touch with my hands
• Good teeth
• Less spiteful than myself
• Must love dogs
• Occupation—variable. But not opposed to making a living.
• Neat but not persnickety
• Man’s Man
• Reads every book as I finish it and then wants to discuss it with me
• Romantic but not cloying. No holding hands until they sweat.
• Must write heart stopping love letters
• Must be able to give the perfect present & gain satisfaction from giving flowers
• Likes or tolerates Prince, Neil Young, Dwight Yoakum, Al Green, Ray Charles, Merle Haggard. Listening to classical music-OK-but not while wearing a turtleneck
• Puts toilet seat down without having a philosophical discussion about it
• Good problem solver
• Must think I am the best thing that could ever happen to anyone & that I have no traits that need changing
• Believes that devotion will make one feel more complete
• Must be interested in my friends and charming in social settings without expecting me to reciprocate.
• Extremely capable of & entertained by giving me pleasure
• Can handle and will handle most any household emergency
• Adequate knowledge of the way things work & able to fix most contraptions: Cars, lawnmowers, toasters, heat, ac, electric, plumbing, dvd/video hookup.
• Enjoys dry-walling, painting, roof repair, floor stripping, gutter cleaning, mowing, dish washing, laundry
• Doesn’t look like a freak in hardware stores.
• Not adverse to household cleanliness
• Must not be willing to or capable of inflicting heartbreak
• Must understand what to do with a dirty pair of socks
• Appreciates a good home cooked meal but does not require it for happiness
• Loves to cook for me
• Appalled by domestic violence
• Must smell good
• Minimal yelling
• Has never considered hair plugs or a comb-over or any other type of fake hair
• No Rockports; no Dockers
• No patchouli
• No talking with toothpaste in the mouth
• Has a penchant for cashmere
• Must find all my moods charming
• Loves it when I go shopping and can’t wait for me to come home so we can celebrate the arrival of my new purchases together
• Must like movies
• Physically fit without owning spandex
• No exercise equipment in the living room or bedroom
• Enjoys travel but prefers nice hotels to camping
• Minimal body noises
• No magazines in bathroom
• Prefer atheist who doesn’t want to talk about it
• No turtlenecks
• Enjoys being coached in matters of fashion
• A truck would be nice.
• No football or wrestling on TV
• No marching band music
• Must not assume that a closed bathroom door is a door waiting to be opened.
• Works to perpetuate the fantasy that neither of us ever goes into the bathroom for any reason other than to have a shower or become even more attractive
• Recognized my infallible good taste and appreciates my home decorating
• No waking up to an alarm clock or talk radio
• No type A or type C personalities
• Nothing overly jovial before 10 am
• No ambiguous sexuality
• Cuteness not necessary
• No mullet
• No visible nose or ear hair
• No excessive puns
• Not judgmental
• No lying but no unpleasant truths
• No discussions of old girlfriends or old wives
• Not too ambitious but sufficiently self-reliant
• No excessive grooming—fewer grooming products than I have
• No big gut
• No foot odor
• No scratching below the belt.
• No alcoholic or drug addict
• No know-it-alls even if you know it all
  
  If you know of anyone who meets these minimum requirements for a long lasting relationship, please send a 3 minute video (compact format) to John Britt and he will present them the SWF for her approval.

John Britt

www.johnbrittpottery.com